Thursday, August 6, 2009

Yogurt and Unicorns

Have you ever seen a man eat yogurt? My father eats it, but that doesn't really count because my sister and I always tease him that he's more like a gay anyway because of his love of the colour pink and chick flicks, among other things. I've been noticing more yogurt commercials lately, and realising that nearly all of them are directed towards women.

Men have been eating yogurt in the Balkans for over four thousand years. Is it considered unmanly to do so in North America? Is it just not a man thing, or would they have to make some that tasted like meat or beer or something to get them interested? Or are they conditioned by the media to think that yogurt, like Renée Zellweger films, are for women only?

There are all kinds of new bacteria in different brands now. Which would be helpful if I actually knew what that particular "new" and "better" bacteria (except they don't really ever call it bacteria, do they? Bacteria makes me think of e.coli. And Listeria. And Staph infections.) was supposed to do for my digestive system. I've seen yogurt bragging about B.L. Regularis and other stuff bragging about containing Howaru. When it comes right down to it, it's curdled milk, non? Does it really matter which strain of bacteria they use to make it? The very nature of yogurt is to be pro-biotic. Stop messing with it!

And now there are all these newfangled flavours of yogurt. Like lemon chiffon and black forest cake. Even some kind of raspberry/lychee/dragonfruit concoction that was advertised in my women's fashion magazine. According to the commercials and adverts, these are a delectable treat which women should keep to themselves. In fact, we should hide it and eat our yogurt in secret because it's so delectable (that word is so grossing me out. Delectable. Blech.) that it must in fact be sinful and we wouldn't want to be seen indulging ourselves. Goddess forbid you should ever let a man see you eating a treat! I don't know about most people, but back when I was into eating in secret and hiding food, it was because I was then dabbling with barfing it back up. Is this really the message we want to be sending out in the world?

Oh, but wait! That yogurt you've been indulging in? It's sinful, yes. But did you know it's actually diet food? It contains no fat and no sugar! So you should hide away and eat it, yes, because it's so delicious. But the trick is, you don't have to! Because it's actually good for you. It just wants you to think that it's so good that it must be bad for you. Which is good. Or bad?

Howaru: Yogurt you can actually eat. In public.

Why don't they just go right ahead and make all yogurt pink, and put a heap of sparkles in it? Chicks go crazy for glitter. If I could get a dragonfruit/lemon/lychee/sugarless/fat free mixture that was pink with glitter in it, why I'd hide it away and eat it in secret for sure! Only one more thing would make it more perfect. If they'd just put a unicorn on the packaging. I can't resist a unicorn.