Wednesday, March 23, 2011

The Circle Game

My baby boy had a birthday yesterday. Four years old. It seems like only yesterday that my cousin called me to ask why I was so late, and I told her that it was because I was in labour a week early. I do know that one day I'll wake up alone, hearing the ghost of little baby feet tip-toeing into my room for an early morning snuggle and realise that they're all grown up and gone; living their own lives.

I'll remember how he always loved to see me wearing a dress and red lipstick, and how he always made sure there were at least two stuffed animals in my bed before he went to sleep, so that I wouldn't be lonely. How he always asked me if I wanted help "downloading" the dishwasher, and also how much he loved trying to find matches for all of the socks in the dryer. His mysterious Texan accent that I have no idea how he acquired...

Four years old. Not a baby anymore, but my baby. My last baby. They're growing up, and I have too. I don't know what the future holds, of course. I still have the biology to have more children but for now, this is my life; my entire universe. At 27 years old, my child-rearing years were fulfilled. Both a blessing and a curse.

"I am a warrior, so that my son may be a merchant, so that his son may be a poet." -- John Adams

All that I can do is my best. Keep fighting the fight; be a warrior. When times are hard, I remember that I live for them. That I do what I do, I have hard times, I stumble and sometimes I fall; sometimes I fail miserably; but I do it all so that their lives may be better. So that they can have the opportunities I didn't; so that in many ways, their lives will be easier. God-willing, they won't have to go through some of the things that I went through.

I am a warrior, so that my son may be a merchant, so that his son may be a poet.

That's all,




Mandy's Kidding said...

I love that.

Twills said...

Thank you.

Renee Miller said...

You're awesome, almost made me weepy. My girls are no longer babies. :( I have a preteen's easy to forget those special things. Thanks for reminding me of them. It will make her next mood swing induced freak out easier to bear.

Karissa said...

How wonderful!
Happy Birthday H!

Twills said...

Thanks. I cried while writing, but I'm weepy like that.

See Kate run. said...



A little too profound for a wordy comment. :) So, there it is.

Anonymous said...

sniffle so true

Twills said...